“Independence”

I am an ordinary person like everyone else. But the deeper you look into it, this ordinary person of mine is actually made up of a lot of different things. 

Among those different things stands out the fact that (whether I want it or not) I happen to be a thinker for most of my time.

I was doing a free-write a few minutes ago because my mind just wouldn’t stop thinking. It keeps on going like an excited hamster who just got a new wheel to run in. 

And while I was writing down all of those random thoughts and ideas and speculations that wouldn’t let me sleep, I stumbled upon this idea of “independence”.

So many people (especially women) chant about wanting to be independent and do their own thing. I am an introvert and to be honest, I really enjoy my own company when there is no one else around because everyone in this world is busy 24/7 anyway so better learn getting along with yourself. 

Speaking from an emotional point of view though, how much independence is actually manageable? 

I spent my childhood days dreaming about the time when I would be a grown up girl in a grown up world, living my own life with everyone else being just a supportive noise in the background. I did not want to do that because I thought of myself as superior to others but because until this day I don’t like the idea of having to bother those around me with things I could actually manage on my own. 

Now that I am on my own however, I have to, at least for now since I am new to all this, confirm my previous doubts and say to myself again that things are not always as easy as they seem. I always wanted to lead my own life and now that I have it, I wonder whether I can actually handle it all the way through. 

Will I be able to make ends meet by myself in the future? Will I be able to keep myself organized etc…etc…?

Independence is a great thing, you know but when it really comes down to it, when everything is not just a girlish, feminist dream but blunt reality, I wonder how many of these (young!) women who chant about independence without ever experiencing it before will actually be able to stand through it with their heads raised high and their backs straight?  Maybe everyone. Maybe very few. I don’t know…

This isn’t to say that people shouldn’t be determined about making their own decisions (men and women alike) but rather to think about what independence actually is aside from a goal that so many women in particular try to achieve (My university is kind of very leftist and kind of very crazy about gender diversity seminars so please don’t take that women focus personally. I guess that mind set just makes me wonder a lot)? 

Maybe, instead of solemnly trying to impress everyone with one’s ambitions for “independence”, it might be a good idea to think about how this goal can be achieved first? What needs to be done to get there and what are alternative plans if something doesn’t work out?

Because when it comes down to it, reality is quite good at getting our ideals and dreams crushed. I have met quite a few people who don’t even want to think about these things that I felt like pointing them out.

Should some of us spend a thought or two on what independence actually means in practice before embarking on a gender war? Or have these people already done so and this is what we get anyway?

 

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